I've officially heard it all. Apparently, according to Jim Rutz of the "Megashift Ministries", eating tofu will feminize you. Here's the link to the best piece of dumbassery that I've ever seen. No, really, he's absolutely sure about this. In fact, he's citing all sorts of scientific "fact" to get you to believe him.
He also claims that soy is killing us, causing cancer, problems with our thyroids, lukemia.... wow. So the millions of people living in Asia who eat soy products DAILY (and who, coincidentally, live healthier longer lives than Americans) are actually all cancer-riddled homosexuals? Sweet. Good to know that.
Pardon me. I'll be right back. I just need to go find this guy so I can reeducate him.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
No, I'm Not Really Discussing Politics
Every time I get into a discussion about politics, someone ends up in tears. Okay, so it's usually me. As a matter of self-preservation, I try to avoid this topic, unless I know I'm among friends who will agree wholeheartedly that my opinion is absolutely 100% correct. These are the same friends who will always tell me my hair looks good and that I'm really funny. You know who you are.
It's one thing to post opinions on Facebook, where you may have a list of "friends" that covers the broad spectrum of political views, religious beliefs, and economic backgrounds. Post something there, and you really run the risk of being torn to shreds.
But this is MY blog! I can say whatever the hell I want here. SO there. Nyah, nyah, nyah.
The last several years have been chock full o' nuts politically speaking, and I know I'm not the only one who actually misses Sarah Palin. She was 1/10 the crazy of Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum and Ron Paul. Oh, I know, I left out about a half dozen names, but really, I think I've got enough crazy listed here to keep us busy.
The current race to Pennsylvania Avenue makes me wonder; is this all just a really well-written reality tv show? It has all the makings of Big Brother or Real World or what have you.
Can you tell I don't watch reality tv? Ssshh...I'm probably the ONE person in America who doesn't.
Anyway, every single day has offered us opportunities to bash our foreheads firmly against our keyboards, in the hopes we'll black out, wake up, and it will all have been something from Frank L. Baum's imagination. Just now my husband posted a link to a story about Rick Santorum's latest fuckery. He actually said OUT LOUD that people don't die from a lack of health care.
oiroagiidgjfoigjfghoijgofijgofijgdofigjroigjriogjrigjerihojerhjierhoirasigdjoew
Sorry. Let me wipe the blood off these keys.
WHAT? Rick. Rick, Rick, Rick. What the hell did your mother smoke while you were safely ensconced in her uterus? Or were you actually hatched from a pod? You were, weren't you? I am pretty certain the same can be said for all the other batshit-crazy politicians out there.
This all makes Sarah's "I can see Russia from my house" comment pretty tame. Oh sure, she is definitely nuts. But she's kind of a halfway point between Bush's flat-out stupidity and Bachmann's "I'll make yer head spin" brand of cuckoo.
I don't really have a point to all this, I just had to say it to SOMEONE. Anyone! And yes, I sure as shit went ahead and shared that link on Facebook.
It's one thing to post opinions on Facebook, where you may have a list of "friends" that covers the broad spectrum of political views, religious beliefs, and economic backgrounds. Post something there, and you really run the risk of being torn to shreds.
But this is MY blog! I can say whatever the hell I want here. SO there. Nyah, nyah, nyah.
The last several years have been chock full o' nuts politically speaking, and I know I'm not the only one who actually misses Sarah Palin. She was 1/10 the crazy of Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum and Ron Paul. Oh, I know, I left out about a half dozen names, but really, I think I've got enough crazy listed here to keep us busy.
The current race to Pennsylvania Avenue makes me wonder; is this all just a really well-written reality tv show? It has all the makings of Big Brother or Real World or what have you.
Can you tell I don't watch reality tv? Ssshh...I'm probably the ONE person in America who doesn't.
Anyway, every single day has offered us opportunities to bash our foreheads firmly against our keyboards, in the hopes we'll black out, wake up, and it will all have been something from Frank L. Baum's imagination. Just now my husband posted a link to a story about Rick Santorum's latest fuckery. He actually said OUT LOUD that people don't die from a lack of health care.
oiroagiidgjfoigjfghoijgofijgofijgdofigjroigjriogjrigjerihojerhjierhoirasigdjoew
Sorry. Let me wipe the blood off these keys.
WHAT? Rick. Rick, Rick, Rick. What the hell did your mother smoke while you were safely ensconced in her uterus? Or were you actually hatched from a pod? You were, weren't you? I am pretty certain the same can be said for all the other batshit-crazy politicians out there.
This all makes Sarah's "I can see Russia from my house" comment pretty tame. Oh sure, she is definitely nuts. But she's kind of a halfway point between Bush's flat-out stupidity and Bachmann's "I'll make yer head spin" brand of cuckoo.
I don't really have a point to all this, I just had to say it to SOMEONE. Anyone! And yes, I sure as shit went ahead and shared that link on Facebook.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
It's okay, don't get up. I'll introduce myself from here.
Hi, my name is Laura. I know, you're thinking "Why the hell should I care who you are?". It's okay, I get it. Let me tell you why I'm here, and you can decide for yourself.
We all have those moments. You know, the ones I described. Those moments in life when you just absolutely cannot believe that you just saw someone do something so utterly stupid....those moments when your jaw dangles ever so gracefully open, and you're so stumped by what's happened that you accidentally walk into a door because you've stared at it so long. Yes. I've done that. I've done that a lot.
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't want you to think that I'm functioning under some delusion that I never make mistakes. I make a lot of them. And I'll be sure to discuss them here as well, because I truly believe that if you can't laugh at yourself, you are going to be really upset when other people walk into a wall staring at your stupid mistake.
Case in point: yesterday while I was doing laundry at the laundromat (which, by the way, will get some attention in my next post), I stopped into the neighboring coffee shop for a snack. Okay, I really did it to escape the dotty old woman in the laundromat who seemed to not get the hint that I was not up for conversation. Anyway, I had set the alarm on my cell phone to alert me when my wash was finished, and then promptly forgot that I had done this. I was in line at the coffee shop, my brain firmly wrapped around the very important debate: ginormous chocolate chip cookie vs. blueberry muffin, when I heard this really irritating beep coming from somewhere nearby. Everyone was annoyed by the sound, especially me. Oh yeah. It was MY phone. And then I couldn't get it to turn off. I could hear the snickers behind me and could practically hear someone thinking "you total dumbshit". I shared a laugh over it with the person at the counter, and went back to the laundromat.
Okay, if you're still awake and still reading, you may be wondering why I chose the name I did for this blog. As a woman who works from home and has four kids and one really irritating cat, I tend to spend my days sitting in front of the tv, eating bon-bons all day while my maid vacuums for me. Oh wait. No I don't. I spend my days running in circles, singing along with Sesame Street, and hoping like hell I have time to take a shower. Why would I choose to spend a few minutes writing for perfect strangers? Because every last detail of my life is precariously balanced, I live my life on a highwire of sorts, and I need to get some of these things out of my head, or I will come crashing down from said highwire, and that will not be pretty (but possibly entertaining).
I also think that we all benefit from a few moments of laughter, whether it be at our own expense or someone else's.
So, I ask you to read and enjoy, laugh and cry, comment or don't, and I hope this journey is as fun for you as it is for me!
We all have those moments. You know, the ones I described. Those moments in life when you just absolutely cannot believe that you just saw someone do something so utterly stupid....those moments when your jaw dangles ever so gracefully open, and you're so stumped by what's happened that you accidentally walk into a door because you've stared at it so long. Yes. I've done that. I've done that a lot.
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't want you to think that I'm functioning under some delusion that I never make mistakes. I make a lot of them. And I'll be sure to discuss them here as well, because I truly believe that if you can't laugh at yourself, you are going to be really upset when other people walk into a wall staring at your stupid mistake.
Case in point: yesterday while I was doing laundry at the laundromat (which, by the way, will get some attention in my next post), I stopped into the neighboring coffee shop for a snack. Okay, I really did it to escape the dotty old woman in the laundromat who seemed to not get the hint that I was not up for conversation. Anyway, I had set the alarm on my cell phone to alert me when my wash was finished, and then promptly forgot that I had done this. I was in line at the coffee shop, my brain firmly wrapped around the very important debate: ginormous chocolate chip cookie vs. blueberry muffin, when I heard this really irritating beep coming from somewhere nearby. Everyone was annoyed by the sound, especially me. Oh yeah. It was MY phone. And then I couldn't get it to turn off. I could hear the snickers behind me and could practically hear someone thinking "you total dumbshit". I shared a laugh over it with the person at the counter, and went back to the laundromat.
Okay, if you're still awake and still reading, you may be wondering why I chose the name I did for this blog. As a woman who works from home and has four kids and one really irritating cat, I tend to spend my days sitting in front of the tv, eating bon-bons all day while my maid vacuums for me. Oh wait. No I don't. I spend my days running in circles, singing along with Sesame Street, and hoping like hell I have time to take a shower. Why would I choose to spend a few minutes writing for perfect strangers? Because every last detail of my life is precariously balanced, I live my life on a highwire of sorts, and I need to get some of these things out of my head, or I will come crashing down from said highwire, and that will not be pretty (but possibly entertaining).
I also think that we all benefit from a few moments of laughter, whether it be at our own expense or someone else's.
So, I ask you to read and enjoy, laugh and cry, comment or don't, and I hope this journey is as fun for you as it is for me!
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